This Time, Last Year

by Not Caleb

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This album is about everything finally falling perfectly into place. In February, 2013, I found home; This time, last year.


released February 19, 2014



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Not Caleb Burlington, Vermont

Silly Songs With Larry cover band

Emo Singer-Songwriter Portland, OR

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Track Name: Toy Swords
This is the first time that I've felt at home in a long time- Since I was on my front lawn in the summer. I was eight years old, with my brothers, running barefoot and playing with toy swords. But, when we grow up we get used to the things that don't make us happy; throw it all away. Then, we blame it on the people who truly care about us and just fuck it up.
But, I've vowed to learn from my mistakes, I'm not going to give it all away.
But, I'll give you everything I own, just promise me I wont die alone. Isn't that what life is all about?

Then I woke up from a dream that I swore I had before and I saw you; none of that made sense to me, but I was happy. I could feel it shaking all of my bones
And now I remember why I came, I'm not going to give it all away.
But, I'll give you everything I own, just promise me I wont die alone
Isn't this what life is all about?

I'm home now and I will hold you close like I did when I was young. I wont let you go.
It's clear now as I go outside, the sun burns my eyes but I feel safe. They can't take me away.
Track Name: Keep Your Head Up
When the lights are turned off; you get used to seeing nothing at all.
So, hold on to what you think you have. If you close your eyes, it will all be gone. And, be fair to ones you think you love, because in the end, they are all you've got.
When your mind shuts off; you get used to knowing nothing at all.
If you know you're lost, don't try to run, just keep your place and you will be found soon. Just know there is no easy way. If you can't take anymore, it doesn't mean there is nothing left for you.
Just keep your head up
When your heart just stops, keep your head up.
Track Name: Two Halves
You, my other half, smile for me when i cannot move a muscle. It's you, you are all that I've got; and I've got everything. You had pieced me back together and god knows that i fall apart so easily
I just need sleep
And for you to wake up next to me
and fill our days with love
I just can't believe it took three years to find it was you all along

So breathe
the air wont hurt our lungs anymore because this is so pure
and don't be scared
I know you're brave
You would risk it all for this; what is this?
And what are we? Just two halves of a whole, wandering our lives longing to be whole again
Finally we're whole again
Finally, finally.
Track Name: Person
My eyes have been so empty lately
Are you lost when you look into them?
Because i can't see anything
While i'm looking for a good direction
It's not up, its not down; its either right or wrong
It's not up, its not down.
Oh god, i want to believe you're not there
but at the same time, i need your help to save me from myself
But it's not like you'd see me anyway, if you were real. I'm just an ant on an ant-hill and you're just a boy playing with fire. Never mindful that a person is a person, no matter how small. But, i'm too small. You can't hear my voice when i call for help. And i can't see, so i can't believe
There's no up, there's no down; there's only right and wrong
There's no hope, there's no law; we just fight amongst ourselves
There's no gates, there's no gods, they're just a cry for help
It's not right, we're no saints, we steal, lie and kill
There's no light, there's no hell; we just live and then we die.
We live and then we die.

I've been thinking about forever lately
and i'm lost and im scared
Track Name: Maker's Mark
You and I, we walk around in the palm of this city with our ears to the ground. We've spent most nights, feeling alright; bottles glued to our hands with fire burning over water that covered our bodies. We were out of our minds
I'm still out of my mind and i wouldn't change a thing
i wouldnt change a thing

And this is where i get stuck-
I can't picture life getting any better
And then i fell in love and you fell in love
You and I, we still click
We'll stick together
And i will visit you in your new home just to crash on your couch
and when you feel alone, you wont be alone

You and I and all our friends
We'll stick together
And we'll walk around in the palm of this city
Track Name: What's Wrong?
What's wrong? I want to say nothing. I want to say nothing at all.
There's a picture of me on our wall and it's drawn, but it doesn't look like me anymore
And i don't like it

You shake your head
and i always say the wrong thing
you jump out of that bed
and then i find you outside, crying.

What's wrong?

"You haven't got a clue. I fear that i'm no good for you. I keep it bottled up inside, but when i say the things i do, you will never understand it. You will never understand me."

Don't go, stay with me
Just know i will chase you every time you run out that door
You shake your head
and i always say the wrong thing
just stay in bed
I don't want to find you outside, crying
Track Name: I'm Fine
I could stay up all night trying to close my eyes and my mind
wont shut the fuck up. Yup
My pathetic appetite is never fed with your appearance
I'm like a chore in your home; i'm always put off for days
It's not enough

Did i tell you i'm fine?
Did i tell you I sleep alright?
Well i'm lying.

I still feel sorry for myself
And my excuse is always you
But you'll never hear that truth from me
It's nearly been a year since i've felt content
with wasting myself on you
You'd think i'd know better by now
But i dont

Did i tell you i'm fine?
Did i tell you I sleep alright?
Well i'm lying.

I'm lying awake
and you fell asleep
i'm lying awake
and you're there next to me
But the sun will rise
and you'll leave my side
i'm lying awake